RESILIENCE HAS BUILT ME

My name is Esther Musavi. I am a single mother and a guardian living in Kibera Slums. 

I grew up in my grandparents’ hands because my mother was unable to accommodate us since she could not afford to pay rent. I was sickly most of my childhood.  My grandmother took me up-country when they thought I was about to die.  She was afraid of expenses in case I was to die here in Nairobi.  

My mum passed on when I was in primary seven. I moved in with my mother’s sister. There was no hope of me going on with my education.  My auntie wanted to marry me off because she felt she could not stay with me any longer.  I run away and found myself in my mum’s friend’s house.

I escaped forced marriage twice, and the two occasions occurred when a man was brought in the house and left with me.  One time I fought with one of them and kicked him in his private part.

One day, my uncle promised to support me to pursue my high school education. All was well until one day he touched me inappropriately.  I was shocked, embarrassed and shouted at him.  He threatened to beat me up and stop the idea of supporting my education.  I was afraid of not going to school.  I kept quiet and did not report him to his wife. 

He did this the second time by coming to our bedroom when everyone was asleep.  I shouted as I thought I was in a dream.  My aunt woke up and came up to see what was happening. My uncle went outside pretending that he didn’t know what was happening.

One day, I shared the story with my aunt; my uncle’s wife.  She was furious and could not believe.  She also confided in a friend who advised her on what to do.  She sneaked to our bedroom at night and secretly spent the night there.  She had asked her husband for permission to go to attend a funeral.  He therefore thought he had an avenue to do what he wants.

He came to our bedroom as usual, to where I was sleeping, started touching his wife thinking that it’s me.  He uncovered my blanket; my aunt lit her torch in my uncle’s face. “Ooh! So this is what you normally do?  So my niece said the truth?! You are the one who is trying to deny her rights? I thought you were supposed to protect your sister’s kids! What are you? A monster?”  She packed her things and left.  I ran away because I was not sure what my uncle would do to me.

He never put a cent in my education.  I struggled on my own.  I used to wash clothes during my school holiday, borrow from my mum’s friends and distant relatives. I requested the church catholic nuns to assist me with fees.  I did this until I completed my secondary education.

I also worked to raise my college fees and I had a desire of completing my university of which I did with my salary at one of the financial facilities.

I got a partner who promised me heaven and earth.  He also supported my college education and I believed that he was the right person and I knew I am going to settle with him.  We had our first born (twins) whom we took care of until they were age 2 when things fell apart.  We separated.  He did not want to continue the relationship and he never gave me a concrete reason. To date, I raise my son by myself after losing my daughter.

Having searched for a job for long, I decided to get into entrepreneurship where I started my ready-made vegetables and peanut butter business.  Business is not my thing but the situation has forced me to get into it.

One day I was arrested in town by City Council managers while in transit taking my products to a shuttle as a parcel that was to go to Kisumu.  My rights were violated. No one listened to me. I was forced to spend nights in Lang’ata Prison in a cell where I was locked up.  My friends had to part with a lot of money to secure my release.

I have risen above the challenges that I have gone through.  I am grateful to Polycom Organization that has empowered me to be a better version of myself.  I am grateful for the psychosocial therapy that am receiving every week.  It has introduced positive changes into my life.